What I Can't Do

"I am always doing things I can't do,

that's how I get to do them." — Pablo Picasso

Yeah, I have issues. There are a lot of things I don’t do. Phobic, lazy, abhorrent – whatever the reason, some things are just out of character for me.

I don’t like to travel. I don’t talk to strangers. I don’t like to be out of my routine. I don’t like crowds. I don’t skip my daily nap. I don’t answer the telephone. I don’t go outside when it’s above 75 degrees. I don’t exercise. I don’t go away without my dog. I don’t let other people set up my tent. The list goes on.

Sometimes you just get a sign that it’s time to get out of your rut. Like when I got that post card from the American Stroke Association that said they would train me to do a marathon in Hawaii, all I had to do was raise $5,000 for the ASA to go. Hot weather? Exercise? Long plane ride? Dog-sitter? Completely out of character. So I did it. Same with the first build I did in India. Timber was gone at that point, but hot weather? Building houses? Long plane ride? Yup, nothing could have sounded less-appealing. So I did that, too. In the last year, I’ve tried sushi and whiskey, calamari and duck, and driving a jet ski. And swinging on a trapeze, which only confirmed my fear of heights and was quite terrifying, actually. This out-of-character stuff doesn’t always work in my favour.

Every year I volunteer to be vehicle support on the Cycling the Erie Canal bike tour. I don’t ride a bike – don’t even own one. I spend a week smiling cheerfully and chatting with the riders, getting up before 5 a.m. without getting a nap, answering the phone, and letting other people put up my tent. The first few tours, this caused me great anxiety. Suffering panic attacks the week before the ride. Searching for excuses to back out. And not just a little crankiness on the road. This year I was much more relaxed, maybe even friendly. Sure, I slept for a week when I got home, but I got to do things that I can’t do.

(I’m back to not answering the phone again. Don’t even bother.)

Will I be able to handle Haiti? Yesterday I volunteered for the first time for Buffalo Habitat, and I learned a lot about plumbing. On the bike tour I was outside in 80s and 90s for hours on end, and never cried once. And I am blessed with a very poor sense of smell. Won’t know until I get there, but I might just get to do a bunch of things that I can’t do.